Time in a Bottle
by Chelsea Oz
Summary: Atticus reflects on the day Scout was born and the bonds his baby shared with her family up until her mother passed. Complete!
1. Chapter 1

One of the best days of my life was when my baby girl was born. Jean Louise Finch came into this world kicking and screaming. I don't know if it's been all my years of practicing law but I'm quite the judge of character. Judging from my daughter's arrival, I want to warn the world to look out because she is going to dominate you. I was so engrossed looking at Dr. Reynolds wrapping up our baby in her swaddling clothes that I almost didn't feel my wife squeeze my hand.

"Is she really all right?" She asks me, panting so hard she can barely get her words out.

"Yes," I say, bending down and kissing her. "She's all right and so aren't you. You can breathe easy now."

I smile when she exhales slowly because I forgot who I was talking to. Jean Marie Grahm Finch never liked to be told what to do. I think the poor thing is in shock because for one of the few times in her life did she actually do what she was told. I brush her long, curly blonde hair away from her beautiful face and I could have stayed this way forever.

"Would you like to hold your baby, Mrs. Finch?" Dr. Reynolds asked as he handed her the newest bundle of joy.

"Sure," Jean replied as she welcomed our daughter with open arms. "Hey. Scout."

"Scout?"

"Yeah. I don't know why but anyone that could give me as much hell as I give everyone else should be considered one."

"True," I agree as I throw back my head and laugh.

That was when my baby opened her eyes and looked at me. I smile and wave to her as she lets out a small yawn. She never took her eyes off me and my wife noticed. Jean kissed her Scout and handed her to me.

"I think someone wants to meet their daddy," she said.

"I think daddy wants to meet his baby," I say, all too eager to finally cradle her in my arms. "Hi, Scout."

The moment I had her in my arms would be considered a time when the earth stood still. Again, she never took her eyes off me and that was all right with me because I never wanted to take my eyes off her. She had a crown full of black hair and for now her eyes were as blue as any other newborns. I thought her eyes were beautiful and I hoped they would stay that way. She reached up for the buttons on my shirt and patted them while I kissed her sweet cheeks. I giggled as she stuck her tongue out while I kissed her; I think she liked it. I couldn't have been more proud by the fact this little baby girl liked me right off the bat. Our tender first moments together would be interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Come in," I say, a little annoyed.

"Oh brother," my sister Alexandra wails as she sees my brand new babe. "A pink blanket for a baby girl. My, how precious!"

"This is Scout," I introduce.

"Scout? What kind of name is that, Brother? I do hope you are joking..."

"That's her nickname," Jean announced, annoyed as I am now. "We don't know what to call her yet and besides, I'm fine."

I sigh heavily. Jean and Alexandra tried to be ladies but sometimes they were just like fire and ice; Jean obviously being the fire. Luckily, Sister was too wrapped up in the baby to pay attention to my wife. I'm not going to lie and say my sister doesn't know how much she can belittle someone. Oh, but she's a Christian and that makes it all right I guess. I think I've been hanging around my wife too long.

"Come see Aunty," she says, pulling Scout gently away from me. Scout wails at the fact she was holding her now.

"You're all right, sweetheart," I say as I rub her head. She rolls her eyes in what I can tell to be contentment. She is too cute if you ask me.

"Jean," Alexandra says, finally acknowledging my wife. "When do you want Jeremy to meet, um, your baby?"

"Just give me and Atticus a few minutes."

"All right, baby, go back to your daddy," Alexandra says, placing her back in my arms. "I will get him ready then."

"Thank you," Jean says as I walk back to her and Sister walks out. Her annoyed look goes away once Scout's near. Jean takes Scout by her little hand and studies her hard. I wonder what she's thinking.

"I really don't know what to name her," she admits. "You name her."

"Jean Louise Finch," I say, using her name and her late mother's name. It sounded like a winner to me.

"I don't want her named after me," Jean scuffs.

"I think Jean is a beautiful name for beautiful girls. Hey, you said it was my call."

"You're right, you're right," she gives in as she takes her baby back. "I don't think I'm beautiful but I know my daughter definitely is. She looks just like you, Atticus, how could she lose?"

She leans forward and kisses my lips. I cradle my wife's face in my hands and our forheads meet. If only I could save time in a bottle...


	2. Better in Time

The first six months of Scout's life couldn't have been better for anyone else except for the women in her life. My daughter loved the men she had in her life. I was worried about how my son Jem would be with a baby girl in the house but they were friends for life when they laid eyes on each other for the first time.

"She's my sister," he kept repeating whenever he would be near her.

"Yes, she's your sister," Jean and I would keep reassuring him.

"I like her," he would always say then thereafter.

"We like her, too," we would always say next.

Jem was amazingly gentle with her to the point where I wondered if maybe he were afraid of her. Jean or I would offer him to come on over and hold her for a while; he would refuse. Jean would offer him the bottle to feed her with but he would refuse to do that also.

"I thought you said you liked her," Jean would sometimes taunt.

"Oh, I do," Jem would say in own defense.

"She's not going to break, you know," Jean say, trying to see if that would help ease him into interacting with her.

"I know," he would say with a nervous scuffle. "I just don't want to right now."

"Well, okay," Jean would finally say, giving up the fight.

My brother, her Uncle Jack, was another one who she warmed up to right away. He stopped into town a few days after she was born to come see her. I was cradling her as he walked in and her face lit up when she and her uncle were face to face. She gurgled a happy noise and she rested her tiny face next to his as Uncle Jack had his turn to hold her.

"You're going to break a lot of hearts one day, little lady," he said, smitten with her charm already.

Calpurnia, our housekeeper, began working full time hours at our house since we now had an infant and a toddler. I thank her everyday for making mine and Jean's life easier. Cal was wonderful with Jem and they liked each other a lot; Scout was another story. Just like when Aunt Alexandra met her, she wailed as soon as she was in Calpurnia's arms.

"Well, Mr. Finch, I don't think I ever had a baby react that way to me before," she said, a little alarmed.

"It's okay, Cal. Give her time," I said, trying to ease her feelings.

Yeah, but try doing that with my wife. Scout even had a rough time with her own mother sometimes. They were all right with each other during the day when I was away at work but when I came home, it was all about me. Scout would cry when Jean would give her a nighttime bath or a rock to sleep.

"You do it," she would tell at times when she felt fed up.

"You can do it," I tell her.

"She wants you when you're home; I can't compete."

"Listen," I would say, sometimes pulling her into my arms. "What is she going to do when I have to be out of town at times and she only has you?"

"I don't know," she would confess.

"You will do it. There's going to be times when I'm not here and she's going to need her mother more than ever."

"Who says the same can't be said for me?"

"What do you mean?" I would ask. I couldn't explain it at the time but when she would say that, my stomach would knot up. I didn't like the fact of her not being here for her children. Yet, I would take a breath and climb inside of her skin because she did have a point.

"Okay, Atticus," she would then say, taking her "big mama" title back. "I'll do it."

"I know you can do it," I would tell her with a kiss on the cheek. "It will all get better in time."

"It better," she would say while she walked away.

"It will."

"My mother always told me she wished I would have a child just like me..."

"Did you?"

"Worse, I think. If not, I'll pray for forgiveness everyday for years!"

That was when I would just sit back easy and laugh. I loved my wife's cynical sense of humor and self. Even at her worst she could still make me at least want to smile. My laughter would seize once I heard my daughter begin to wail again.

"Atticus," I would hear her say.

"Yes, dear?"

"Start praying and tell my mother that the prayer was from me!"

"Will do," I would say again with laughter once again erupting out of me. "I'll do it in silence."

"I don't care, just do it!"

I really would pray to her mother. Not for her mother's forgiveness or for Jean finding strength but it's a prayer to Louise for the thanks of having Jean for me.


	3. The Easter Surprise

I have always loved my job. I love helping people and feeling as though I am here to help make Maycomb County a better place. As the years went by, however, I did become the slightest resentful of the fact that sometimes my office hours were slowly but surely taking over my home hours. Scout would be turning a year old soon and Jem would be starting school in another year; I felt that I was losing out. That early Easter we had in late March would serve as a warning that my feelings were not in vain.

"Do you want to give Jem a bath while I get Scout dressed?" Jean propsitioned while she was cleaning up our breakfast dishes.

"Why don't I get Scout dressed and you give Jem a bath?" I asked in return.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," I say, putting my arm around her. "She's not going to be this little forever and I want to make sure I'm here for it."

"All right," she said, pecking my lips. She drained the dirty dishwater, wiped her hands off on the kitchen towel and went to the living room to find Jem sitting on the couch, playing with his little stuffed lamb Jean had gotten him in his Easter basket.

"Jem, sweetheart," Jean called out for him.

"Yeah, mama," he answered back, never taking his eyes off his lamb.

"I'm going to give you a bath this morning before church instead of Atticus."

"Okay, mama," he said, getting up and taking his mother's hand as they walked each other into the bathroom. I rubbed his head and smiled at him as he went by. I was so proud of the good boy he had become.

Scout's bedroom was only across the hallway and the first thing I saw was a bright light shining down on her in her crib. I think she was as amazed as I was because she was kicking her chubby, little legs and giggling to herself.

"Hi, baby," I say as I pick her up. She keeps cooing and giggling as I nuzzle my nose into her cheek. She liked it; she held my face with her little hands as I kept doing it.

"Atticus," I hear Jean call out for me.

"Yes, dear?"

"There's a pink and purple dress lying on the dresser that I want her to wear."

"All right," I say as I walk to the dresser with my happy girl in tow. I picked up the dress and Scout grabbed a hold of it only to push it away from her.

"Don't you like your dress?"

She pouted then; I believe that meant no. It didn't matter because she was going to wear it. I laid her down on the dresser only to end up banging her head in the process. She began to cry and I felt horrible.

"Oh, honey," I say as I rub her head. "I'm so sorry."

"What happened?" Jean frantically ran in as soon as she heard the commotion.

"I made her bump her head," I confessed.

"Oh, daddy didn't mean it, sweetheart," Jean said as she too began to rub her head. That was when Scout patted her mother's breast and said her first word.

"Mama."

Jean and I looked at each other in shock. I think Jean was more shocked than I was because I still don't think she thought Scout liked her very much.

"What, baby?" Jean asked, rubbing her head again.

"Mama," she repeated.

"She wants you dear," I say, picking our daughter up and handing her over to her mother. I guess the tables turned on me in that moment.

"Atticus," Jean said as she began to rub my arm. "Don't feel bad; I'm sure she knows you didn't mean it."

"I feel bad," I admit.

"I know you do but accidents happen. Why don't you check on Jem? Besides, gives me time to give you your Easter surprise."

"What?"

"Go on," she shoos me out of the room. Okay, what was that all about? I wondered that all the way back to across the hallway. I opened the door to find that Jem was sure enough having trouble with his clothes.

"Here," I say, grabbing his pants that kept falling down. "Let me help you."

"Thanks, Atticus," he said as he let me help him. This time changing one of my children was going on smoothly. After he was squared away with his clothes, I hand him the comb so he could do his own hair and I let his bathwater run out.

"Walk to daddy," I heard Jean say. I had to stop and really process what I heard her say. Was Scout really walking? I got my answer as soon as I saw her walk on her two wobbly little legs into the bathroom.

"Happy Easter, Atticus," Jem says at the exact moment Scout falls on her rear. She begins to cry again and I scoop her up in my arms.

"You're all right, baby," I say, kissing her cheeks. "Good job. What a big girl you are to walk to daddy."

"Are you surprised?" Jean asked as tears of joy begin to fall from her eyes.

"Pleasantly so," I walk over to her with Scout in my arms. I kiss her hard on the mouth despite the fact our kids are near. "What a great Easter this is."

"I think so," Jean says, hugging my waist and kissing Scout at the same time. It wasn't long before Jem came along and wrapped his arms around Jean's leg and formed a group hug. I loved my family so much.


	4. Thriller

I guess I'll never know why I didn't like Halloween. Even though I go to church, I've never been a spiritual man. The souls of the dead never aroused my interests and superstition is something I find useless. I suppose I am too logical and/or practical for my own good. If it wasn't for my young son I wouldn't celebrate the holiday at all.

"I'm ready," Jem said as he walked out into the living room with his pirate costume on.

"Ahoy, mate!" I call out with a salute.

"Ahoy!" Jem answers back as he runs into my lap. I can't help but grunt because he is getting too old and too big for this.

"Jeremy," Jean called out as she too walked in the room. She was occupied with an earing that didn't want to go in her ear. I couldn't take my eyes off her new red and orange dress and she knew it. She looked at me with that devil grin of hers and was so focused on my wandering eyes that she completely forgot she was in the room for Jem in the first place.

"What mama?"

"Oh," she said, still fiddling with her earing. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah!" He exclaimed as he ran off me and headed for the door.

"Wait," Jean said with a huff but he went out the door anyway.

"Come here," I said, motioning for her to come to me. I take the earing away from her hand. "Let me help you."

"Thanks."

As I was helping her, I realized how lovely her hair smelt. It was that Lavender scented shampoo she got from the drugstore yesterday.

"You smell good," I say as I get the earing in her ear. I kissed her soft earlobe before she gets away from me.

"Why, thank you," she said, giving off that fake flattered mannerism she sometimes did.

"I mean it," I say as I grab her by the waist.

"I know," she says as she kisses my lips. There was almost a vanilla flavor to her kiss tonight.

"You taste good, too."

"Atticus!"

"Mama!" Jem called out for Jean. "Let's go! I don't wanna be late for the school party!"

"Okay, baby," Jean said getting up and to the door. "Are you sure you don't mind being here by yourself with Scout?"

"No, I'll be fine. Besides, she's asleep."

"Well all right. Call the school if you have any questions or concerns."

"Okay," I reply. I don't know if she heard me or not because she ended up shutting the door at that exact moment. I get up from my chair and my newspaper I was reading to go check out my son and wife drive off the party. Jem should have fun; it was the annual Halloween night grammar school party and all his friend's from the first grade were sure to be there.

As soon as they left was when Scout woke up crying. That was unusual for her to cry when her mother left the house. There were times when she was younger that she would cry whenever I would leave but never her mother.

"Scout," I knocked as I entered her room. "What's the matter baby?"

"Mama," She said with so much sadness that it could have broken my heart.

"Mama went with Jem to the Halloween party, honey," I said as I went to her. That made her wail even harder. I pick up my baby and hold her little face close to my heart. The poor girl wrapped her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist so tight that I thought she would never let go. "What's the matter baby?"

"Atticus," she replies as she punches me in the breast.

"Yes, I'm Atticus."

"Mama go bye," she said as she turned her head to look out the window.

"You didn't want mama to go?"

"No."

"Well, what is it then?"

That was when she pointed to the window. I didn't know what that was all about; did she come home already? Did something happen at the school? I walked over to where Scout was pointing and I saw nothing out of the usual. I kiss Scout's cheek as she begins to cry again. I wish I knew what was upseting her.

Then there was a noise of a horse and buggy. It must be one of the Coninghams or Cunninghams from Old Sarum because that was still their choice of transportation. I use the word choice lightly because knowing their pride they would never admit that they simply couldn't afford an automobile.

"Look at the horse, Scout," I say, trying to get Jean off of Scout's mind. "Isn't it beautiful?"

"Mama go bye," Scout said again. I looked back out the window in despair only to gasp at what I saw. The horse was not carrying a buggy but a hearse on it's back. My shock was interrupted by the fact that I scared Scout with my gasp.

"It's okay, baby," I tell her as I tried to lay her down on the bed. "Mama will be back."

My words of comfort feel on deaf ears and Scout continued to cry. I turn my head back to the window and I can still hear the goddamn hoofs of the horse trailing down the street into town. If I didn't believe in the supernatural before...


	5. Mother and Child Reunion

"Atticus," Jean calls out for me.

"Yes, dear?"

"Can you come in here, please? I want to talk to you."

"You're in the bathtub."

"So? Oh for Christ's sake Atticus, we're married!"

"That is true," I say as I make my way to our bathroom. Oh boy, what a man gets for trying to be a gentleman sometimes.

As I enter, I realize that for the first time in our whole marriage that this was the first time I've ever witnessed her take a bath. My God, she was beautiful lying there. Her curly, blonde hair was still intact on top but her hair tips were wet and straight from being in the water. The water seemed to give her skin an even more delicate flow. Her breasts floated above the water and I was mesmerized by the way the water trickled down her cleavage. She knew how I was looking at her and she gave me her famous evil grin.

"You look at me as if you've never seen me before," she commented.

"Never in the bathtub," I say as I have seat on the floor next to the tub.

"You like what you see?"

"Very much," I say as I rub her cheek with my thumb. As much as her beauty left me in a haze, I could still tell there was almost a sadness in her eyes.

"What did you want to talk to me about?"

"I've been trying hard to keep quiet but knowing me good luck, right?"

"Say what you need to say, darling."

"I don't know what happened on Halloween night but it seems since then you've never been the same with me."

"Oh," I say with a gulp. Yes, I was haunted by the events of that night but did I really let them show like that?

"Something did happen. Tell me right now what happened," she said with a great urgency as she sat up in the tub.

"When you took Jem to the party," I begin as I rub her back. I don't know why but I thought a back rub would help smooth things over. "Scout cried because you left..."

"She did? That's unusual..."

"That's what I thought. I picked her up and I asked her what was the matter and she kept saying, 'Mama go bye.'"

"Oh, poor baby. I didn't think my leaving would upset her so much. She's your baby girl."

"She's yours, too. She loves you very much, Jean. I don't know why you can't seem to see that most days."

"I know that in her heart that somewhere she does. I know I love her but..."

"But?"

"I know this sounds horrible but I don't connect with her like I do with Jem and I know she didn't connect with me the way Jem had to me. Atticus, I've tried so hard to make myself not feel that way but I...I...I'm just a terrible mother, I guess."

I had no idea how much guilt she had been feeling these past few years over Scout. I guess any other man in my position would be outraged over their wive's revelation but I feel nothing but compassion for Jean now. She does not have a cruel heart and obviously she has tried to be as much of a mother to Scout and she has to Jem. Jean had begun to cry and I wrap my arms around her despite the fact she's soaking wet.

"I'll be right back," I tell her as I get an idea.

"Where are you going?"

"It's a surprise. Grab a towel and get out of the tub but stay in here," I order as I head for Scout's room. I was pleased that Scout was actually up so I didn't have to wake her.

"Atticus," she says with a smile for me.

"Yes, I'm Atticus," I say as I her up. "I know it's late but I want you to see someone."

She giggles loudly and buries her face into my shoulder. It's a good thing her brother is a sound sleeper. I open the bathroom door where Scout and I meet her towel clad mother.

"Look," I point out as Scout lifts her head up.

"Mama!" She says with smile. Her eyes light up as her mother welcomes her with open arms. I walk Scout over to her and put her in Jean's arms. The first thing Scout does is take her mother's face in her hands and begins to plant kisses on her cheek. This makes both me and Jean laugh and Jean returns Scout's "kiss."

"Does that help?" I ask, resting my hand on Jean's bare shoulder.

"How have I denied her for so long?"

"You didn't; that's the point. Children know who are there for them and you have been there for her, Jean. You were still her mother despite your feelings. I think you are a wonderful mother."

She is rendered speechless and she gives me a kiss on the mouth. I happily oblige until Scout turns Jean's face away from mine just so she can look at her. I doubt Jean had ever felt more filled than in that moment.


	6. Sweet November

I couldn't have asked for a better November that year. It seemed as thought everyone was happy and it could have been thanks to the glorious weather we were having. It was still relatively mild during the day, chilly at night and not one rainy day; it was as blissful as my home life. Ever since that night in the bathtub, Scout and Jean's relationship definitely seemed to take a turn for the better. Jem was doing fantastic in school and we couldn't have been more proud of our boy.

Thanksgiving was always a happy holiday for us. We hosted Thanksgiving at our house and Uncle Jack would come spend the day with us. Aunt Alexandra would spend the holidays with her husband's family which is probably a big reason why we were so happy. The kids loved their Uncle Jack and Jean seemed to like his company as well. The only thing I didn't like about Jack being there was the fact he seemed to like Jean's company so much. I try to tell myself I'm just imagining things when I catch him looking like he's checking her out.

As always, Cal would prepare the dishes the day before so all Jean had to do was throw everything in the oven. Every year Jean says she wouldn't know where she would be without her help and I silently wonder myself. Cal really has been an angel to us and it would only be fair that she had her holidays off. I hope her holidays were always as good to her own family as they were to ours.

There was something special about those last few days in November. Me and Jean would help put the children in bed and we would go out on the swing just to stare at the night sky. We would drink up some red wine that Jack brought as a thank you present for having him on Thanksgiving. The only thing that was smoother than the wine going down was our connection. A lot of times we would say nothing at all, we would just hold hands and let our silence speak for itself. The only thing I would count on is the countless number of times I can kiss my wife under the stars. We would do that until December came rolling in and the rain would begin to pour.

"I can't stand it any longer," Jean said one early December night as the rain hit the window.

"What?" I asked as I looked up from my latest court papers.

"I'm going outside," she said.

"It's raining."

"I don't care," she said as she shut the door. I grumble as I set down my stack of paper and follow her out into the cold, damp night. I laughed out loud at the sight of my crazy woman dancing in the rain with a prennial flower in her hand and kicking her feet in the air. Nothing can kill her happiness sometimes and I wouldn't want it to. I sneak up behind her, put my hands around her waist and twirl her around as she laughs.

"I love you, Atticus Finch," she screamed into the night.

"I love you," I say, softer in tone. I kiss her neck as she lays her head backwards into my shoulder. Her ear was right next to my mouth which gave me a perfect time to whisper into her ear.

"I love you," I whispered, taking my chance. "So very much."

That was when she squirmed out of my arms. She faces me, takes my face in her hands and kisses my lips. It was a slippery kiss as the rain made them wet; not that there was anything wrong with that. She wraps her arms around my neck and I bury myself into her. Our chests met and I couldn't help but get a feeling of concern. My brother Jack is the doctor but I know something was off with her heartbeat.

"I could stay forever this way," she finally said after time.

"So could I."

"We can't though."

"Don't remind me..."


	7. My Heart Will Go On

I will never forget the day of December 21st, 1928. The shortest day of any year would be the longest day of my entire life. The day started out bright and that was more than all right with me. There are times when northeners come down here for any reason and they say how they wish they could spend their winters here. If only they understood that instead of snow we get rain. From all the christmas carols I hear the snow is actually a nice thing to walk through.

I went through my usual routine of getting up from the bed, getting an outfit ready for the day and heading straight to the bathroom. I always liked a cold bath in the morning no matter the season. I let the water fill up in the tub as I shave and then I hop in. The temperature shocks my body awake and I begin to thouroughly wash myself. A quick dry off and I swiftly put on my suit and tie as I head into the kitchen. I'm usually greeted by my wife, kids and Cal.

"Atticus!" Scout says, waving her arms out to me. I'll never get over how happy she can be to see me.

"Hi, baby," I say, picking her up and holding her close. I turn to Jem and see he is trying real hard to finish his breakfast before school.

"Slow down, son," I tell him.

"I have to walk today," he tells me. I hear him just enough between bites to understand him.

"What do you mean you're walking today?"

"Mr. Finch," Cal pops her head in. "I'm walking him to school today. Mrs. Finch says she don't feel good."

That took me by surprise. My wife got sick with an occasional cold but that never stopped her from taking the children wherever they needed to go. Come to think of it, I didn't see her in bed this morning when I woke up. That terrible knot in my stomach crept in my system.

"Where is she?" I ask Cal.

"Outside," Cal answered. "She thought the nice sunshine would help her feel better. Are you ready to walk to school Jem?"

"Yes, ma'am," he answered as he bolted from his chair to the hall closet to get his coat and hat. I watched as he put them on and Cal took him by the hand to lead him out the door.

"Have a good day, son," I say as I rub the back of his neck when he walks by.

"You too, Atticus," he replies as he walks out the door. "Bye, mama."

"Bye, sweetheart," I heard Jean tell him. "I love you."

"I love you too, mama," I heard Jem say back to him. I look at Scout and I realize that I had actually forgotten she was still in my arms. She looked back at me and smiled as she began to run my fingers through my still damp hair. She was so stinking cute that I could help but kiss her cheek. I couldn't help but laugh as she attacked my cheek with her own kisses.

"Scout," I say as I walk her into the living room and put her in her playpen. "How did I ever end up with such a good girl like you?"

She doesn't respond to me; instead, she picks up a little boy doll with blonde fluff for hair and funny looking denim shorts on. Looking at the way she interacted with the doll, you would think she knew him or something. I decide to just let her play as I head over into the bathroom. I wasn't going to leave Scout here by herself while Jean was sick and Cal wasn't here to help.

"Mama!" Scout scremed out as I heard a thud. I jolt as I run back to the living room to make sure Scout was all right. Yes, she was fine; she was in her playpen going on with that boy doll of hers. I go outside on the porch to check on Jean and I can't find her. All I see is our still, empty swing and rocking chair that's still swinging. I look down to see Jean face down on the porch.

The moment I saw her lying there I knew she was gone. I walk over to her and sure enough she's cold already. I couldn't believe there was no blood or anything because she had to have fallen that hard. My God, she was so beautiful when I turned her right side up. Her eyes were still opened and they were still so spiritually blue even after death. Her mouth was just slightly open kind of like she wanted to say something.

"Jean," I tell my deceased wife's body. "I know what you wanted to say. I want you to know that I love you, too."

I don't know if I was in my right mind but I picked her up, walked her into the living room where our daughter was still playing in her playpen and layed sat her on the couch. Scout got up and didn't say a word as she stared at me position her mother. It was like she knew and she was trying to take it all in with me. I stared at my daughter waiting for her cry or scream or do whatever young children do when their mothers pass on but she remained silent. I walk over to Scout and I begin to rub her head.

"Mama loved you very much," I say as she gaped at me with an open mouth.

"She go bye?" She finally asked. I had to choke back tears now.

"Yes, baby," I confess. That was when she raised her hand and kept patting my chest.

"What are you doing?"

"Here."

"Here?"

"Mama's here," she said.

"Yes, mama will be in our hearts," I tell her.

"Yeah."

That was when I heard Cal enter the house. Scout and I remain silent until we see her walk into the living room. She had a bag of groceries in her hand and as soon as she saw Jean sitting there she dropped it. She shrieked as she put her hands to her mouth and that finally made Scout cry. I could only stare at the scene that was unfolding before me.

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Finch," she said, not moving an inch. "I just...can't believe she's gone."

"Me either."


	8. Unchained Melody (Merry Christmas)

The ride to Alexandra's house for Christmas seemed endless. My poor children and I were still in a deep state of mourning. Jem tried to stay strong for me and for his sister, bless his soul. When he came home from school that day, I still had Jean on the couch just in case Jem would like to see her one last time. I told him about her death before he entered the house and I never want to see that much pain in his eyes again.

"Her body is still here. Do you want to see her?" I asked him.

"Yes, sir," he said.

I picked him up and carried him into the living room. He had his face buried into my shoulder the whole time as if he weren't sure what to expect. When I set him down, he creeped up to his mother and gave her a hug.

"She's cold," he said.

"That's what happens when you die. She's okay."

"I know she's okay," he said, letting her go. "Can we still have Christmas?"

"Sure," I say, rubbing his head. "She would love nothing more than to have us have Christmas."

"I'm going to be happy, Atticus."

"Your mother would want you to be happy. It's okay to be sad Jem but know that laughter will come when the tears stop."

"I know that already."

I never knew how strong my children were until that day. They had such wise souls for their tiny little selves. That's not to say I haven't heard him cry at night. Although it would kill me to listen to him cry, I wouldn't let myself go to him. I thought it was best if I let him self-soothe. That would go for Scout as well even though I haven't detected any mood changes for her. I look at my boy in the rearview mirror and choke down a lump in my throat.

"Jem," I whisper. "Don't feel like you're alone. I may not have comforted you when you cried but just know that I cried with you. I feel everything you're feeling. You're all right, sweetheart."

That was when a blast of lightening bolted through the rainy skies and I yelped loudly. I had frightened Scout and she woke up crying in the backseat.

"Sssh," I say, reaching back to rub her leg. "Atticus' sorry, baby. You're all right."

"Atticus," Jem said, sleepily.

"Yes, Jem?"

"What is she crying for?"

"I got scared."

"I didn't think grown-ups got scared."

"Oh, we do Jem. Believe me, we do."

"Are you okay?"

"Yes and so are you."

As soon as I finally got myself and my children calmed down was when I pulled up to Finch's Landing. I have my wife's urn in the front seat of the car and I begin to rub it as we get closer to the house.

"We're here, Jean," I say.

"Are we here now?" Jem asked.

"Yeah, son," I say as I park the car. "Wait for Uncle Jack to come out."

It was unusual for Jack to already meet us here but he decided to come on his own and make it easier for me to just come with the children. I know he loved my wife almost as much as I did and it too broke his heart when I called him with the sad news. I didn't want to face my sister just yet because it really bent my nose the way she sounded almost cold about her death. Jean was too free-spirited for her liking and she just didn't understand why Jean just lived like there was no tomorrow. I know why; she obviously didn't have many tomorrows.

I finally see Jack come out of the house and get my wife's urn as I make it out of the car. Jack has obviously been crying and drinking because I can smell it on his breath and I see the red in his eyes as we kiss each other's cheeks.

"Sister's not coming out. I told her this was something for you and the kids," he said.

"You can come with us. I know you had a special place in your heart for Jean."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Help me get the kids out of the car."

"Yes, sir. I'll get Scout," he offers as we make our way to the car. We each open the backdoors and get our respected children out. I just have to take Jem's hand out while Jack has to carry out Scout. The tears and alcohol must have blurred his vision because he bangs Scout's head off the car door and Scout begins to cry.

"Oh, I'm sorry sweetheart," Jack says as he hugs Scout.

"Here, let me take her," I say, taking Scout from him. "You take Jem's hand."

"I feel bad," Jack says to me.

"It's not the first time she banged her head and it probably won't be the last."

"Are we going to the water, Atticus?" Jem asks.

"Yes," I say as we start making our way to the river. "We're going to put your mama there. She always loved the water."

"Mama can swim forever now!"

I smile at the fact that makes Jem happy. Scout had fallen asleep in my arms by now and the raindrops on her face made her even more beautiful to me. I kiss her sweet and probably bruised head when we finally reach our destination.

"Wake up, honey," I tell her as I put her down.

"Water," she says as she opens her eyes.

"Yes, baby," I say as I take the urn from Jack. It was easier for him to carry it seeing as he had one free hand. I kiss the top of the urn before I open it.

"Gather around children and Jack," I say as I get prepared to scatter what was left of my wife into the lazy river. "Jean, we hope you are happy. It's Christmas Eve night and we couldn't think of a better present to give you than to have you here in your favorite place: Finch's Landing's River. We love you."

It was a weird sensation as I scattered her ashes into the water. It was like a weight, a sense of freedom overcame me. I swear Jean's ashes floated for the longest time before she or they finally dissolved. I felt Jem wrap his arms around my legs and sure enough Scout was to follow. I bend down and I hug both my children at the same time.

"Do you want to say something to mama?"

"I love you, mama," Jem said into the river.

"Me too," Scout followed.

"Merry Christmas," Jem included.

"Merry Christmas," Scout followed again.

"Merry Christmas, darling," I whisper into the universe. Jean Finch, we love you more than you will know. Wait for us, sweetheart, wait for us.


End file.
